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Kaizen and Motherhood: Change over time


Motherhood is a journey of self-discovery and growth, mirroring the continuous improvement aspect of Kaizen.

It's difficult to look back at the person I was without feeling emotional. Anyone who says you can't grow and change with time, is wrong.The Japanese have a philosophy known as Kaizen, “change for the better.” Motherhood is something that happens gradually over time.  

Reflecting on my single motherhood journey, I've grown a lot. It happened slowly. I'm not perfect, and life's challenges made me pause and reflect many times. My early years were about survival, doing what I had to do to get by. I'm grateful for my family and friends who supported us. 

I just returned from a week in New York visiting Maria and seeing for the first time her new life in the city. I surprised her by inviting Julianna and her fiance, Nico to join me. It was an unusual opportunity for me to visit with both my girls during the school year so far from home (Japan). On my way home, I couldn't help but to think about how much I have changed over the years. And although we are living in different parts of the world, we remain connected and happily pursuing our own Ikigai.

Honestly, I feel that change is inevitable, life is full of experiences and events that help us grow and change over time. Of course it can go either way, some people embrace it, grow and learn and for others it may cause them to feel defeated and retreat. For me, I want to believe I have learned and grown.  

When Julianna was little and started having overnight visits with her dad, I remember sitting at home crying, devastated that I could be deprived of time with my daughter. If I am honest, I probably needed a little break. Looking back now, I see the disconnect I was living with. I was not in touch with myself, or my social and emotional needs. It was like mini empty nesting. One day my life was full and the next it was empty. It was a roller coaster for the first few years, looking back they were difficult for me.

I was heartbroken. I didn’t think anyone could possibly understand the pain I felt. Looking back, I realize that being a mother had become my identity. Without my daughter, I wondered, who was I?

Now, I see that I should have felt grateful. My little girl brought so much joy to the families who loved her. Without realizing it, the years she spent with her grandparents were precious and limited. I’m sure those moments with their only granddaughter were some of their most cherished memories. I couldn’t see it at the time, but she was a gift—a joy to everyone around her.

When Maria came along, I made very different choices. Having seven years of motherhood behind me, being a mother was different the second time around. It was less chaotic, but still challenging.  

After Julianna graduated from high school and Maria was ten we moved to Japan. Everything changed. Up until then my focus had been to be a provider and protector of my girls. I felt l was defined by my role as a mother. Although I did try to maintain some of who I was before I became a mother, I was never really free to follow my passion.  

Returning from New York, my heart is full and I feel at peace.  

Maria is settled in her new life in NYC, I am not heartbroken or devastated, I do not feel lost. Quite the opposite, I am elated at Maria's independence and search for her own Ikigai. Seeing Julianna happily engaged and in her first year of her Masters program and figuring out life, aka "adulting."  They're both following their dreams, what more could a mother ask for?

I feel pride that they both are confident and ambitious. More importantly, I am happy they are out in the world making it a better place. 

The only tears I have shed in the past month are tears of happiness and pride. I also know that if I am happy, I am a better mother. Being a mother is a lifelong role, but it doesn't mean I cannot explore my own path. I am looking forward to what the future holds for me. The concept of Empty Nest Ikigai is exciting. It's about finding purpose and fulfillment after the kids leave home.

 I am the proud single mother of two beautiful girls. Julianna, 26 and Maria,18.


 



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